For many people, their wedding day is one of life’s happiest memories. In Silver and Early Bronze Age DC Comics, it’s not quite so blissful. In fact, marriages often end in death. If they are successful, it’s usually an imaginary tale.
Lois Lane was the queen of weddings. The woman married half of the DC Universe (the male half, of course). Somehow, the marriages never quite worked out.
In Action Comics #245 she thought she was marrying Superman but he was really Zak-Kul, a Superman lookalike and criminal from the Bottle City of Kandor. While the real Supes was stuck in Kandor taking Zak’s place, the imposter played the role of the Man of Steel, even down to proposing to Lois Lane. She accepted and enjoyed the marriage until Zak decided to kill her. Superman eventually saved Lois at the last minute and the marriage was annulled. This less-than-wonderful marriage was typical of Lois’s trips down the aisle.
The very first imaginary tale ever written was titled “Mr. and Mrs. Clark (Superman) Kent” (Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #19).
In it, the two lovebirds have the bright idea of having Lois marry Clark so that whole “my enemies would get to me through you” thing that Superman always proclaimed was the reason they couldn’t marry was off the table. Even in this imaginary tale Lois couldn’t find happiness. Why? Because she couldn’t brag about being married to Superman. Apparently, that’s all the women in her circle did — brag about their husbands. Clark was “just a newspaper man” and therefore not important enough to crow about or get invited to the posh parties. There is no solution in the end. Lois weeps, Superman consoles her and they both dream of “someday” being able to tell the world about their love.
In Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #37 Lois again marries Clark. This time, however, it’s part of a sting against a lonely hearts club. The joke ends up on Lois, as the preacher wasn’t a fake and the marriage turns out to be real. The best part of this story is the trip to the honeymoon. Clark decides to honor the marriage and comes clean about his secret identity. Lois doesn’t buy it for a second, so Clark spends the entire trip desperately trying to convince Lois he’s really Superman. Feat after feat gets explained away by a cynical Lois — the same Lois who used to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to unmask Clark because she suspected him to be the Man of Steel! Even she admits the irony as one final, completely inadvertent clue falls into her hands. Once again, the chin-rubbing suspicion is back in her iconic face, even as their marriage is proven to be phony after all.
As long as she was marrying secret identities, why not try a different hero? In yet another imaginary tale, Lois marries Bruce Wayne in Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #89.
It seems Bruce had always loved Lois and when she finally tired of Superman’s fear of commitment, the millionaire playboy stepped in and won her heart. It was only after they were married that he told her his secret and you can imagine both her surprise and delight! The marriage is a good one and even produces a little Batboy. (And boy howdy, does Robin ever get jealous! My favorite part of the comic, I have to admit.) Naturally, things go wrong, Lois’s life is put in jeopardy and Superman ends the comic with a big I-told-you-so moment. So despite the happiness of the marriage, the child and Lois’s smile, we’re left knowing that her days are probably numbered.
Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane comics had a large female readership, so they often became something of a hybrid between a superhero and a romance comic. Those wedding gown covers probably sold a lot of books. DC wasn’t shy about using the device, either. Issue #s 79, 86, 89 and 90 all prominently feature Lois Lane in a wedding dress. She marries Titanman in #79 (it doesn’t work out), has an entire 80-page giant full of “schemes and dreams to marry Superman” in #86, marries Bruce Wayne in #89 (see above) and marries Dahr-Nel of Krypton in #90.
The story of her romance with Dahr-Nel is one I remember vividly from my childhood. He was a handsome Kryptonian with the same powers as Superman. Best of all, Dahr was head-over-heels in love with Lois. A perfect match, right? Sort of. Poor Dahr-Nel dies in the end because Lois is poison! If Superman can’t have her, no man can! (Nah, he just goofs by exposing himself to Kryptonite because he’s not used to his superpowers.)
A side note: Dahr-Nel is the inventor of the Plastimold. This is the machine Lois uses to turn herself into a black woman in Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #106's famous “I Am Curious Black” storyline. For that invention alone, Dahr-Nel should never be forgotten.
As Lois entered the Bronze Age, she became a lot more serious and melodramatic. No more marrying aliens or secret identities for her. In Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #105 she marries a murderer on death row. It seems he pulled her from an icy pond and this was how he wanted her to repay him. Like several of her suitors, he dies in the end. A mere three issues later we’re treated to yet another wedding cover, only this time, it’s a ghost who’s courting her. It’s almost as bad a memory for her as the time she married Superman and was killed moments later (Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #128). Well, sort of. And that’s how so many of these wedding issues can be summed up: “I do ... sort of.”
Come back next month for some more crazy weddings that don’t necessarily involve Lois Lane. Granted, the marryingest character in the DCU will show up again, but this time the focus isn’t only on her. Brides can be such attention hogs!
Joanna Sandsmark — A former writer for DC Comics and TV’s Weird Science, Joanna Sandsmark is also the author of The Wisdom of Yo Meow Ma, A Girl’s Best Friend, 10 Spiritual Lessons You Can Learn From Your Cat, 10 Spiritual Lessons You Can Learn From Your Dog, and Explore Your Destiny With Runes. If you’d like to learn more, including a detailed bio and more information about Joanna’s books, please visit her Web site or visit her blog.
This is a guest article. The thoughts and opinions in this piece are those of their author and are not necessarily the thoughts of the Certified Collectibles Group.
