Last month we learned about all the disastrous things that could've happened had Superman not had his Clark Kent identity. Thank goodness he figured out how to take care of business without allowing anyone to be the wiser. But what if things hadn't turned out so well? What if someone really did find out Superman's secret identity? Because there are about a billion comics that had this happen, I'll grab a sampling of stories that addresses just that. Hop into the phone booth with me and we'll see what kind of trouble Clark (Superman) Kent can get into
Action Comics #313 gives us "The End of Superman's Secret Identity." This one doesn't play around. First, Supergirl opens the door of the supply closet, letting Perry White see Superman in mid-change. Then Batman shows Lois Lane the clothes in Superman's cape's secret pouch. Then Lori the mermaid slashes through Clark's clothes with a knife, exposing his costume to Jimmy Olsen. Things can't get worse, right? Oh ye of little faith or small silver age DC collection! Perry, Lois and Jimmy immediately decide to blackmail Superman or they'll give away his secret! Luckily, Superman figures out it's a plot from the Superman Revenge Squad, that androids have replaced his beloved friends, and that means no one new is aware of his secret identity. (Though why the revenge squad didn't just tell the world his identity since they know it, I have no idea.)
Action Comics #345 adds a little pop culture into the mix. Allen Funt from Candid Camera (a very popular hidden camera TV show in the 60s) joins the fun. It opens with Allen playing a prank on Perry White. It went so well Allen decides to pull the next one on Clark Kent, only this time, he's going live. Gee, I can't see where anything will go wrong here. You've guessed it — Clark witnesses a fake crime and he jumps into a phone booth. Allen thinks he'll try to phone in the story so the prank is that the phone doesn't work. He opens the door and there's Clark in mid-S-chest. Oopsie daisies. Moments later he takes off his pants and he's wearing Batman's uniform on the bottom. Luckily, Superman got wise to the scheme at the last second and did a switcheroo just in time to beat Funt to the punch. It was a very close call. My favorite part was the mini TV Superman was carrying. How futuristic that may be some days TVs will be tiny enough to fit in your palm (along with it being a phone, a Web surfer, a camera, a game box and a dozen other handy things). Of course, his looks more like a miniaturized version of those giant console TVs.
Switching from Action Comics to Superman books, it doesn't take long to find more shots of Clark exposing that S on his chest. The cover of Superman #173 makes one think there's a doozie of a secret ID story inside. There isn't. It's one of those trick covers to entice the young lads and lasses into parting with their 12 cents while inside, an entirely different tale unfolds. Not that the cover is completely wrong, of course. They never cheat to that extent. No, it's there, but it's just a single panel and a throw-away at that. The story is primarily about Superman and Batman teaching Jimmy Olsen a lesson.
Unlike that last story, "The Name of the Game is Superman!" in Superman #211 is all about the secret identity. Clark Kent is captured by wacky old guy Homer Ferret, who is convinced that Clark is secretly Superman. Homer is Smallville's resident optometrist and he is certain he saw several super feats from young Clark Kent as both a baby and a teen. The kicker, however, is when he had a chance to handle Clark's glasses (which he knew he hadn't prescribed!) and discovered they were nothing but fake plastic lenses. At least it was a unique approach to the secret ID in this story. It also awakened Superman to a flaw in his disguise — one he fixes by the end of the story.
Although you might think the best place to find secret ID stories would be in Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane, the truth is it plays a role in nearly every issue in some way or another. So I decided to skip ahead to Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen instead, since Jimmy doesn't spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to guess Superman's secrets.
It's difficult to resist the cover of Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #102, which has Superman holding a raving, straight-jacketed Jimmy by the collar while Jimmy shouts about Superman being Clark Kent. How does the story get to that cover image? In the usual unbelievably convoluted way, of course! Ah, but that's where the fun is. Jimmy gets jealous of Clark Kent because Superman gave Clark a big scoop. Mr. "Pal" goes medieval on Kent and then gets kidnapped. The kidnapper is after one thing: Superman's secret identity. Clever Jimmy hypnotizes himself into thinking Clark Kent is Superman's identity. This way he can pass a lie detector test. Unfortunately, his hypnosis works too well, as it turns Jimmy into a babbling idiot who can only say, "Clark Kent is Superman... Clark Kent is Superman..." Supes puts Jimmy in a looney bin, takes care of the kidnappers, then snaps Jimmy out of it. Poor Jimmy never knew that he guessed correctly. This was a theme — Superman's friends and enemies were forever guessing he was Clark Kent and then thinking they were wrong in the end. It gave us multitudes of Clark / Superman final panel winks.
Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #121 has the distinction of having two stories where Superman's secret identity plays a role. In the cover story, Jimmy has a brush with death, gets miraculously cured (again due to jealousy over Clark Kent getting a good story), pretends to still be at death's door and asks Superman what his secret identity is. Since Jimmy was about to die, Supes obliges. Jimmy of course betrays him and plans to announce the secret ID on live television. The patterns in these various stories are fascinating, as they keep revisiting old themes (like the Candid Camera story, live TV is yet again playing a role). Happily, Jimmy comes to his senses before the cameras roll. The other story in this issue has him visiting Krypton's past and meeting three earlier versions of Superman, including one who is a superhero named Skyman who has a secret identity as a journalist Klar-Don. Apparently Krypton was an exact mirror of 1960s Earth in its storied past. Who knew?
Finally there's Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #132, where Jimmy gets kidnapped once again (I'm telling you — patterns everywhere!) and is pressed to name Superman's secret identity. This time, he names Perry White. The crooks bring kryptonite and although Perry is unaffected, Clark keels over. The crooks expose the S on his chest, grab him and pay Jimmy $50,000 for the info. This makes Jimmy look like Judas and that's how everyone treats him. The Jimmy Olsen fan club turns on him (throwing 30 pieces of silver at him to drive home that Judas comparison). Needing to redeem his good name, Jimmy becomes a one-man rescue team and heroically frees the Man of Steel. Superman laughs off the secret ID thing by pretending it was a robot who had been captured and it was all part of the plan. Superman flies Jimmy to his fan club and they worship Red anew, so all is right in the Olsen universe.
One thing every story has in common is the absolute need for Superman to retain his secret identity. Clark Kent, though unmasked every few minutes or so it seems, is the #1 man in Supes' life. Without him, there wouldn't be nearly as many stories to tell!
Joanna Sandsmark — A former writer for DC Comics and TV’s Weird Science, Joanna Sandsmark is also the author of The Wisdom of Yo Meow Ma, A Girl’s Best Friend, 10 Spiritual Lessons You Can Learn From Your Cat, 10 Spiritual Lessons You Can Learn From Your Dog and Explore Your Destiny With Runes. If you’d like to learn more, including a detailed bio and more information about Joanna’s books please visit her Web site or visit her blog.
This is a guest article. The thoughts and opinions in this piece are those of their author and are not necessarily the thoughts of the Certified Collectibles Group.
