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R.I.P. Stan Lee

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X-ray Spexx

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I know right, I was just as surprised as you

I was looking at the AP website and saw where Stan " The Man " actually died in April 1992 after reading a copy of Youngblood #1 at a signing event. The exact cause of death was unknown but its believed that he suffered tremendously as his face remained transfixed in a rather pained expression. Initially it was ruled a homicide but a subsequent investigation was dropped and there had been lingering speculation in the industry that it may have in fact been a suicide. Marvel Studios reportedly chose to disclose this information as their contractual possession of his corpse will expire in 2014 as agreed upon in an out of court settlement with Stan's family. After his death Marvel took possession of his remains and had them reanimated in order to fill contractual agreements for upcoming film appearances and promotional signing events.

Apparently according to the agreement Stan's corpse will continue to sign and appear in movies until the summer of 2014 after which his body will remain in state at Marvel Studios in the main lobby for six months atop a horse which some have criticized heavily resembles Jack Kirby. The family apparently was adamant that the lower half of his body must be submerged in soil from Manhattan at all times which offended many in the Bronx. After 2014, Marvel will take possession of his hands and a recording of his voice saying such phrases as " Excelsior " and " True Believers " indefinitely for future signings and appearances. The Hair Club for Men and Brillo retain possession of his scalp due to the proprietary nature of the technology used in his hair restoration. Hair Club nor Brillo could be reached for comment but an unofficial spokesperson with knowledge of the agreement stated on condition of anonymity, " Its ours, we created it, we own it, end of story ". After the removal of his battery, the family will take possession of his remains ( including his spine ) to lie in state indefinitely at his favorite local Manhattan deli in the corner booth. His DNA will be donated to science and it is widely believed that it will sent into space by NASA along with items such as George Washington's wooden false teeth, among other items.

Various celebrities commented on his passing, the most interesting of which are as follows:

Stan's wife Joan Clayton Boocock Lee was quoted as saying, " WHAAAT! ", upon learning of his death after feeding his disembodied remains for the past several years.

Neighbor Saul Romanski from Washington Heights was quoted as saying " I never trusted him after he changed his name, who does that? His family name is Lieber, I'm gonna call him Stanley Lieber. His mother was a wonderful woman ".

Comic creator John Byrne was quoted as saying, " No comment, but if I were to comment it would probably be negative. I always took issue with his decision to wear Spiderman socks when Fantastic Four would clearly have been more appropriate but...", as he was taken into custody attempting to touch the hem of Stan's burial garments.

Barack Obama was quoted as saying, " He was a great American icon and trailblazer who proved that like many great Americans before him, you don't have to have a soul to have a heart ". When press Secretary Jay Carney clarified that it was Stan Lee the president was quoted as saying, " Who ".

Sharon Stone commented on the their much talked about affair by stating, " Oh my God, Stan was a real treasure. I don't know if I can say this, but let me tell you, he was great in the sack. I mean he was hung like a mule. Our relationship was great while it lasted but we finally grew apart. It left me very distraught but I eventually got myself together and went on to do Basic Instinct and the rest is history ".

Noted comic speculator Clutch was quoted as saying, " its about f**king time, man I been waiting for this for years! My ebay store is blowing up like crazy. I sold a few of his baby teeth and some old sheepskin condoms for like $1500 apiece. I got an auction going right now on some his signed receipts from Denny's ".

Collaborator Avi Arad was quoted as saying, " Stan was good man, we make a lot of money together. His hands will appear in the next couple of movies and then we'll see how it goes ".

Joe Bidden was quoted as saying, " Get the F**k out of here, Stanny boy is dead. God love em ".

This is in response to the bizarre nature of how everybody is waiting on the man to die so they can cash in on everything he's signed. From personal experience after going to conventions and watching my comic book heroes turn out to be real a**holes in person, Stan is one of the few people who genuinely seemed to be happy to be amongst the fans and sign. Its just a shame that everybody is waiting to cash in on his death. I'm sure people were rushing to ebay as soon as they read the title.

- Spexx -

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