Firefly1

-Some 'friends' are only friends when give them a reason to be- After 4 1/2 years...full of fervor, full of passion, full of wonder and hope, I realized that I wasn't 19 anymore. I was older. I was more mature that n people expected me to be. I was bolder, I was harder and more calloused about the reality we live in. After seeing people beat up to a pulp, stabbed, die in their sleep, get sick to the point of death...wouldn't you be? Funny...my father came to pick me up. After all these years, he finally decided to show up and try to be a part of my life...my new life. We stayed at a hotel for a couple of days and then found an apartment. He wasn't there for me before all this happened...he left after a couple months. It didn't fade me. Got used to it after a year or two in the darkness. Funny...I thought I had friends. I thought I had a girlfriend. They all left me after a month in darkness. Like my super-heroes disappeared from me...so did my 'close friends'. My mother had me at birth, by herself in the hospital while my father was at the local bar...and she was there the whole time for me, even thereafter. Friends? I had to relearn what it meant to have them again. My mindset was confused and twisted let alone suffering from Arrested development. Indeed...life had just started. I found a girl shortly after that I wooed and convinced to go out with me. She was very special to me. Interesting enough, she had a boyfriend that she broke up with after she met me. Had no idea, but he was psycho car chases and all). But I was not psycho. I was a changed man with a short leash. No time to be a hero. She got to know my mother. Shortly after, she died. She fell asleep with candles in her room and got burned alive. She always used to sing to me, "Champagne Supernova" by Oasis. Yes, I remember now. She used to accentuate "...faster than a cannonball..." I had no money or friends, and one JC Penney department store card in my name. Where were my super-heroes. But there was hope... To see old comments for this Journal entry, click here. New comments can be added below.

-Wherever you go, there you will be- I had a flashback today. A quick glimpse of my past that will never fade from my memories. I remember vividly...sitting on a steel stool mounted into concrete. I was looking out a window, not even a hand's width across, while leaning on a metal table mounted into the concrete wall. The sun was shining through the window and was slowly saying goodbye to me.I felt its warmth wither away as it left me to the dark night. No longer would I be able to see miles and miles of desert. No longer would I be able to see dry shrubs liven the dead landscape. Darkness had come once again to take over my hope...my ambition. Another day gone. Alone. Nervous.Anxious. One thought crossed my mind..."I am here, because this is where I am." When I would daydream, I would daydream of my high school girlfriend. I would daydream of the comics I used to collect. I would daydream of Wolverine, of Spiderman, and of Superman. Why couldn't I be one of them? Why couldn't I have a different life? Why couldn't I be someone else? My life as a child had ended. I was forced to conform. I was forced to man-up prematurely. Yet, I was solely responsible for placing myself in such a position. I chose my destiny. I made my bed and had to sleep in it...which was also mounted to the wall. My super-heroes died to me. My childhood was no more. My last comic book I remember holding was G.I. Joe #21...ironically, "the silent issue". For 4 1/2 years, I remained silent to the world. I existed no more to them. This was my darkness...and super-heroes had no place in there...no place at all. They all died with my childhood. My life and dreams were no more... But there was hope.... To see old comments for this Journal entry, click here. New comments can be added below.