The 12 Dumbest Spider-Man Stories Ever (Besides the Clone Saga)

[Ares]

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2008/11/the_12_dumbest_spiderman_stories_ever_besides_the.php

The 12 Dumbest Spider-Man Stories Ever (Besides the Clone Saga)

Posted at 5:01 AM Nov 05, 2008

 

By Alicia Ashby

 

Fair warning: if your idea of a bad Spider-man story is when he fights a silly villain like the Hypno-Hustler, then the mess on this list is going to set your eyebrows on fire. This is a hardcore, no-holds-barred look at the absolute worst of the worst of Spider-man, and as you’ll see, the ‘80s and ‘90s and beyond let Spider-man comics get pretty terrible. For all that Spider-man is one of the world’s most popular superheroes thanks to his combination of cool powers and everyday problems, a really bad Spider-man story is about as bad as superhero comics can get (well, until Chuck Austen is writing them). Be forewarned and forearmed with knowledge to avoid accidentally trying to read mess that will never, ever entertain you in a non-ironic way.

 

12) Spider-man Kills Mary Jane with his Radioactive Semen, Spider-man: Reign

11) Peter Parker’s Parents Are Actually Evil Robots Programmed to Kill Spider-man, Amazing Spider-man #386-88

10) Curt Conners Is an individual_without_enough_empathy, Spectacular Spider-man #11-13

9) Spidey Meets the Amazing Redneck/Trucker Superhero Razorback, Spectacular Spider-man #12-15

8) Gwen Stacy Norman Osborn in the ‘70s, and Had Super-Aging Superpowered Kids, Amazing Spider-man #509-514

7) John Byrne Takes a Dump on Amazing Spider-man #1-19, Spider-man: Chapter One

6) The Hobgoblin Is Revealed to be Dead and Somebody Else, Amazing Spider-man #289 and Web of Spider-man #29

5) Spider-man Sells His Pregnant Supermodel Wife to the Devil, Spider-man: One More Day

4) Norman Osborn Becomes Magic, The Gathering of Five

3) Spider-man Mutates Into a Giant Pregnant Spider, Spectacular Spider-man #17–20

2) Aunt May Is Alive and Immediately Dying Again, The Final Chapter

1) Maximum Carnage, Maximum Carnage

[mica]

I stopped collecting Spidey during the "parents/RedSkull" storyline. Most of what was listed above I have no knowledge of, and feel that I'm better off.

 

Unfortunately I suffered through the Maximum Carnage storyline and sadly bought many extra copies off the shelf .

[Jeffro.]

Much of that list makes me glad I no longer read modern Spideys.

 

What a bunch of . Radioactive semen??

[That Ron Dude]

The Shocker story, around issue 65, was just about the dumbest thing I ever read. I ended my run on it after reader Shocker. Why do they make these villains whose super power is they can shoot stuff from their hands? Wouldn't a gun work just as well.

 

I remember reading the "Man Mountain Marko" story later on, confirming my decision to no longer read Spiderman regularly. He was big and tough. Spiderman had already fought the Hulk and at that point he was going up against a guy who was tough. It was around issue 80.

 

I am sure there have been worse since then, but those are two of the very worst issues among the first 100.

[awe4one]

8) Gwen Stacy Norman Osborn in the ‘70s, and Had Super-Aging Superpowered Kids, Amazing Spider-man #509-514

 

This is easily #1 by a long shot.

 

In my opinion, the Clone Saga wasn't so much stupid as it was dragged out for way too long. In fact I thought at the time it was a clever move to reboot continuity and it is miles better than the recent "Poof, it's Magic" person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point we recently saw. Marvel should have grown some balls and stuck to their guns with the Clone Saga instead of changing their mind midway without an exit strategy...

 

Jim

[joe_collector]

How can this not be #1 on any sane person's list?

 

Gwen Stacy *spoon* Norman Osborn in the ‘70s, and Had Super-Aging Superpowered Kids, Amazing Spider-man #509-514

 

It wasn't just horrible writing that puked all over a classic (and dead) character, but it made no sense and had absolutely no link to any of the old ASM stories.

[Ogami]

let's just say that between the early nineties, and up thru Strazynski, there was a lot of damage done.

[paperheart]

How can this not be #1 on any sane person's list?

 

Gwen Stacy *spoon* Norman Osborn in the ‘70s, and Had Super-Aging Superpowered Kids, Amazing Spider-man #509-514

 

It wasn't just horrible writing that puked all over a classic (and dead) character, but it made no sense and had absolutely no link to any of the old ASM stories.

 

100% in agreement here- this is #1 and whatever is #2 isn't even close

[rob_allan]

It's kind of sad, but I think dropping Spidey titles is actually an official step in the life of a collector. I did it once, as a kid, during the clone saga. I stopped collecting comics for years after that. When I heard JMS was writing Spidey, that's actually what brought me back into comics. He repaid me, naturally, with that awful Gwen Stacy story. I stuck through that, though, but then OMD/BND came out, and I dropped Sidey again. This time, however, I was smart and didn't drop comics altogether. I still like SA Spideys and Copper Spideys.

 

-Rob-

[ft88]

It's almost like there needs to be two era's of stupid spidey stories. Spiderman and Marvel in general became so unreadable in the late 90s and on that most of us here haven't even read these story arcs (Thank God). So make a list from 1962-1992 around ASM 350 and then an era after that. There were some crappy stories, mostly in the 1970's that just don't cmpare to the in the 1990s and 2000's and most folks on the board know them pretty well

 

Off the top of my head.

 

Aunt May marries Doc Ock

Any Rocket Racer story

Fat kid with the Doc Ock robot arms

Razorback PPSS

The Debbie "clingy girlfriend" storyline soap opera.

Flash and Shashanna or whatever her name was. Both 70's and 80's

Mindworm - so bad it's good

Spot Kingpin saga PPSS 98-100

 

Some controversials you loved 'em or hated 'em

 

Clone Saga, Original

Spidey gets extra arms ASM 100-102

Spidey has abnormal superstrength ASM 33

 

 

While I love the story of ASM 31-33 and do see it as a pinnacle of the Marvel Age and Ditkos skills. It always hits me as an early Jump the Shark for Spidey. Spidey went from being a somewhat combined loser of Peter Parker and anxiety ridden Spiderman who use jokes to cover his fears; to being a superhero with superhuman strength. You never really saw the wimpy Peter Parker anymore after that. Even the one that had Peter thinking "oh, Flash if only you knew I was Spiderman" type of thing. Superheroes have to change with time, I just thought this was an early drastic shift.

 

 

[Ogami]

Spidey has abnormal superstrength ASM 33

 

 

While I love the story of ASM 31-33 and do see it as a pinnacle of the Marvel Age and Ditkos skills. It always hits me as an early Jump the Shark for Spidey. Spidey went from being a somewhat combined loser of Peter Parker and anxiety ridden Spiderman who use jokes to cover his fears; to being a superhero with superhuman strength. You never really saw the wimpy Peter Parker anymore after that. Even the one that had Peter thinking "oh, Flash if only you new I was Spidreman" type of thing. Superheores have to change with time, I just thought this was an early drastic shift.

 

 

this is the only part I sort of disagree with. I think the increase in power was nice. And in fact, when I started reading Spidey in the black suit, circa 1984, I reveled in his power levels. It was when they took them away, (gradually ignoring them) that I was disapointed.

 

But to your point. Lee has actually been asked about this, so it isn't like you were the only one to notice a shift around this time. He stated that when Romita took over the art chores from Ditko, he made him too handsome and too confident. Lee didn't have much choice but to boost Petey's self esteem and confidence. It was a compliment to Romita, but you could tell there was a conciousness about how to handle the character from then on.

 

 

[Juswuh]

What, no mention of the story with Spidey going to Latveria to fight Dr Doom, aided by Aunt May and Mary Jane in old suits of Iron Man's armour?

 

 

 

P.S. I am not joking, this was a real story a couple of years ago.

[cd4ever]

What is this one referring to?

 

7) John Byrne Takes a Dump on Amazing Spider-man #1-19, Spider-man: Chapter One

[llll-migration]

 

heromachine.com "fiasco-thy-name-is-spider-mobile"

 

I can't find an image of the Spider-Buggy toy, but I found this:

The Spider Machine GP7 from the Japanese 1978 live-action Spider-Man movie.

 

 

kakuregaijin.blogspot.com - spider-man-japanese-style

 

 

 

 

 

[joe_collector]

I thought the Spider-Mobile was classic, and always meant as a short-term idea to spice up the title. Issue #130 with Spidey running over the perps with his is absolutely classic.

 

But in terms of stupid vehicles, nothing beats this one:

[joe_collector]

Here's one of the scenes I was referring to.

 

THUD! A perp goes flying off the front bumper.

[ft88]

I kind of miss the innocence of the 1970's. They were trying so hard back then.

 

Speaking of innocence. What about all the magical things Spiderman could create with his webbing throughout the years.

 

A Parachute is one thing, and that's bad enough, but the hang glider took the cake. Some others included a baseball bat (which broke) web balls (find a rock dude) and the old fill your costume with webbing and pull off the old Superman / Clark Kent fooling stupid ole Lois Lane trick. ASM 50 51 or 52 as I recall where Peter Parker says to his dummy self, "OK, thanks Spiderman I'll take more photos of you."

 

Ahhh magical webbing, I wish I had some.

[Jerry Cummings]

maximum carnage definitely.

[sakaridis]

What is this one referring to?

 

7) John Byrne Takes a Dump on Amazing Spider-man #1-19, Spider-man: Chapter One

 

If refers to John Byrne's 1999 Spider-Man: Chapter One limited series, which attempted to revamp/modernize Spider-Man's history and was more or less based on Stan Lee and Steve Ditko's first 20 or so issues of Amazing Spider-Man.

 

Let's just say that it was not a crowd pleaser, by any stretch of the term, nor did it get many positive reviews.

 

I kinda liked it, personally

[COI]

I thought the Spider-Mobile was classic, and always meant as a short-term idea to spice up the title. Issue #130 with Spidey running over the perps with his is absolutely classic.

 

 

You're blinded by nostalgia.

 

I love that era; ASM #121-150 are, to me, the best Spidey issues of all time...except for that f**king car.

 

If they came up with it in the 80's or 90's, there's no way you'd tolerate it.